A
year ago today, I posted a blog about starting the Karine 365 project in which
I would be “making a conscious effort, in the next year, to live my life
on my terms and to be the woman who I want to be.” Unlike the Photo 365 projects
(which most people started, went strong for about 30 days, then totally
abandoned), my Karine 365 project was more personal, not requiring me to post
daily updates about life but, instead, to just live a more genuine existence
and to find positivity.
During the last year, I have
suffered bumps and bruises, shed lots of tears, but have emerged a much happier
and stronger woman. Looking back at last year’s blog, I set three goals for
myself.
Goal #1: To be *ME*
The primary goal of Karine 365 was to be able
to live life the way that *I* wanted and to allow people to see the real
me. While I did not project a false
persona to people, I had always been more guarded about opening up and letting the
world see me… this girl. I had so much
fear and anxiety about being so open and vulnerable to people. In the last year, I have shown more of the
genuine Karine to the world than ever, for better or worse, and the results,
without a doubt, have been truly wonderful.
Without a doubt, the most wonderful
aspect of the past year has been rediscovering my smile. While I’ve always had, flashed and shown the
smile, in the past it hasn’t always been genuine. As a graduate of the “when in doubt, just
smile and people will leave you alone” school of thought, a smile wasn’t always
a sign of my happiness. During this past
year, I’ve noticed my smile return and backed up by the joy, glee and
excitement that I feel. Friends have
also noticed, telling me that I just seem much happier than I did in the
past.
While I’ve accomplished much in my
goal to be *ME*, I realize that I still have work to do. I have confidence and self-love, but I still
notice that I will sacrifice what I want in order to appease others. Moving forward, I need to focus less on what
others think and focus more on making my dreams, wishes and hopes a reality.
Goal #2: Avoid Drama
Sadly, over the past few years,
there are have been many casualties of Karine 365… I have made a concerted
effort to distance myself and, in some cases, banish people from my life, who
have only brought me drama, grief, stress and unhappiness. What amazes me the most is that, looking
back, a year ago, I considered some of these (now distanced) people my closest
friends, which is either a testament to how I have honed my ability to read
people or how incredibly blind I was to the stealth energy vampires and drama
mosquitoes, who swarmed around me to suck out my vitality and life. The up (and down) side of it all is that I
have much more quiet time for myself, which is always nice but, at some points,
can be lonely.
However, with the subtraction of
some people in my life, I’m happy about the addition of much more loving, supportive
and drama free friends… as well as the strengthening of existing, positive
friendship bonds and ties. I have been
able to reach out beyond my standard circle of friends to meet and get to know
such a diverse group of interesting, loving and nonjudgmental people. Branching out to other groups and people
became a necessity for me since I started to realize that one group of
acquaintances, in particular, was becoming highly toxic and unhealthy. While there are still wonderful loving people
that I met through and still keep in touch with from that group, I feel that a
large portion of that group bordered on (and often crossed the lines) being
emotionally unhealthy.
In the upcoming year (and beyond), I
will try to be more careful about where I invest my emotional energy and
love. I will no longer waste it on
people who are not worthy and need to hone my ‘Spidey sense” in rooting out the
undeserving. It’s clearly a task that’s
much easier said than done.
Goal 3: Achieving my body
goals
In the past year, I have also made
strides in attaining the body that I want.
Even though I’m still self-conscious walking around in a bikini, I am
much more confident in doing it than I was in the past. In learning to accept my body, I have started
to love my attributes, to embrace my flaws and accept accountability for the
choices that I make. I’d love to tone up
a bit more but realize that Yogurtland or skipping the gym, while not the best
ideas, will delay the achievement of perfect body that I am hoping for.
Conclusion:
The last year has been filled with
positives and negatives but, in the end, has been overwhelmingly wonderful. I
mourn the friendships that have fallen by the wayside, but take joy in knowing
that there are many other wonderful people who have stepped up to fill in that
void. I am so amazingly lucky in feeling
the love and support to open up to many more friends about where I’ve been,
where I am and where I hope to go.
I am elated that the first year of
Karine 365 has been so amazingly wonderful and successful. I start year two with even more joy,
exuberance, and enthusiasm towards making all of my wishes and desires a
reality and being at that place in life where I want to be. However, in the big picture, I realize that
it’s not about a Karine 365 year two (or year ten)… in order to find the
happiness which I seek, I’m focused on a Karine 365 lifetime.
