Dusting along the baseboards of the Augean Stable

                Today’s question of the hour is, “at what point do I start deleting or dealing with people because of the idiotic rubbish they post on Facebook?” 

                When I cleaned out the Augean Stables a few weeks ago, I got rid of a lot of dead weight, as well as people that I only kept around for ‘bad karma’ purposes (i.e. I wanna see what stupid, ridiculous stuff they say so I can snicker at it).  However, I left a few people on who aren’t really objectionable to me, but seem to relish starting political arguments or spamming the world with their ideology.

               

                I appreciate the fact that, on their own Facebook walls, people are allowed to say what they want (within limits, of course) and that it’s not my job, duty or right to shout them down ***on their own wall.***  A year ago, I had an extremely needy and self righteous acquaintance who felt that she was entitled to go onto *other* people’s Facebook walls and lecture them about the wrongs that they had committed in her eyes.  While I shut her down when she tried that on my page, she didn’t learn her lesson and continued her lecture series on a number of other friends’ walls.  When I called her on that, she blocked me… and, problem solved.  Still I doubt that this person has realized the errors of her ways but, if she doesn’t change, she’s going to lose more people and, eventually won’t have anyone to read her hourly prayer request solicitations (my ‘BINGO!!!’ request would’ve been one for sympathy because someone put the wrong emphasis on the second syllable of Gesundheit after she sneezed).

                I had a (now former) friend who, even though we resided in the same area of the political spectrum, spent her days going through blogs and pages, reposting… every…single… article… about how X, Y and Z were destroying America.  I deleted her (it didn’t hurt that I later learned she was a stark, raving, drama filled lunatic) because, even though it was a more politically compatible message with my views, I just couldn’t handle the crap overload... as well as the “I dare you to disagree with me” trolling that she was doing.  I had another (also now former) acquaintance at the opposite end of the spectrum, who wrote tomes to troll about how A, B, and C were destroying America.  When people dared to disagree with him, he and his cronies would just tee off on the dissent, calling them names, ridiculing them and saying inappropriate things.  While I never got involved in his posts, I was appalled that he allowed this crap to happen on his page and did not put an end to it.  I deleted him (it didn’t hurt that he was creepy).  These two examples are people who are clearly trolls and bullies… and I don’t regret their disappearance from my Facebook universe.

Getting back on topic, the thing about Facebook is that, when people start posting crap on their own walls, it ends up popping up on my news feed.  Don’t get me wrong… I have a few friends that post some political stuff, some funny stuff and some interesting stuff... that’s fine.  I’m thinking more about the political trollers whose posts are always inflammatory and overly opinionated.  Facebook, thankfully, has given me a number of options to effectively deal with these posts.  Which brings me back to my main point... what do I do with Facebook friends who are otherwise nice people, but whose political venom and bias spill out in every post they put online?  Do I hide them?  Do I delete them?  Do I block them? Do I tell them to knock it off?

I, unfortunately, don’t have an answer.  It’s still not my place to tell someone that ‘your posts are at an 11, take it down to a 6,’ so I’m left to make a choice whether I want to sever that friendship or block/hide them, sending them into the Facebook equivalent of “The Sixth Sense” (yeah, we’re friends, but I don’t see you).  None of these options are particularly ideal, but I have to evaluate how irritated I am by their posts versus the value of their friendship. 

Do you all have a universal rule that you follow?  Or is it more of a case by case analysis?  The Facebook friendship of someone who you don’t know hangs in the balance J

*** By the way, I also realize that, in pondering the question of ‘what to do with Facebook friends who are trollers?,” there’s a lot of overlap with a blog I wrote on 8/24/11 called “Not in *my* house” (http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4850259657914900085#editor/target=post;postID=2094974711647183875)

Cleaning the Augean Stables...

"When you get bit by a snake, you have to suck out all the poison, that's what I had to do, suck all the poison out of my life."

                                                                                                                -Cady Heron “Mean Girls”

                It’s been awhile since I last posted, but I felt the need to after the last 24 hours.  Nothing bad has really happened to me, but, I’ve come to the realization that I’m surrounded by too much negativity… and it’s starting to drag me down.

                While I’m the happy smiley girl that you know today, I wasn’t always that way.  It took many years for me to find my identity, as well as my zest for life and motivation to succeed.  Going through this process most certainly wasn’t easy, but the end result is that I really do appreciate who I am and the struggle I went through to get here.

                Herein lies my two pronged problem:  I care about people a little bit too much AND needy people always seem to find their way to me.  I don’t quite know what it is… for example, mosquitoes, no matter where I’m at or who I’m with, seem to find me, suck my blood and leave me bruised and full of welts, no matter what type of bug spray I use or how many layers of clothing I wear. 

Needy people also seem drawn to me and eventually leave me emotionally bruised and full of welts.  While I’ve learned to love myself and honor my struggle and past, I still have to learn to set boundaries to keep these emotionally needy people at bay.  If I have $20, I can loan you $5.  However, if I only have $20, I can’t loan you $40.  In monetary terms, I get it… however, in emotional terms, I don’t…. and, thus, end up giving more of myself to others than caring about my own emotional happiness.

This all came to a head last night when I had an argument with an immature and emotionally needy (now former) friend.  While I realized he was always being a selfish and an emotional vampire, I tried my best to help him.  However, no matter how much I tried to give helpful advice and care, he resisted and ended up making himself more unhappy.  Despite the fact that he was always asking for my advice for every little thing, when I gave it yesterday, he replied with a ‘who asked you?’  While the short answer is, “you, IDIOT!” the longer answer involves knowing when call it quits… which is where Cady’s quote comes into play.

Last night was a teaching moment for me.  Although I realize that I tend to give too much of myself to others, the exchange with this drama queen gave me some clarity on the situation.  I realize that I have been bitten by the ‘needy people snakes…’ and that their venom is making me unhappy.  Last week, I was talking to a colleague, telling him about my weekend.  His only response to me was, “Karine, you need to spend time around happy people… these people are not happy.”  While it seems like an oversimplification of things, he’s 1,001% correct.  Not it’s a matter of ‘sucking the poison out of my life.’

To be happy, you must surround yourself with happy people.  While this isn’t a new idea (“Think and Grow Rich” and a multitude of positive thinking books espouse this), it’s something that I just needed to hear in order to start comprehending it and, more importantly, applying it to my life.

As an aside, do you remember Hercules’ labors?  (Break out that Edith Hamilton!) Hercules was commanded to complete 12 labors in order to make up for murdering his family (oops!).  These labors were all thought to be so difficult, that they were impossible.  King Augeas, who had more cattle than anyone in Greece, housed his herd, including bulls, goats, sheep and horses, in the Augean Stables, which had never been emptied nor cleaned.  Hercules’ 5^th labor was to clean out the Augean stables.  He managed to complete this feat in one day, ripping a hole in the front and back of the stables, then rerouting the Alpheus and Peneus rivers through the stables to wash away all of the crud and crap.

Much like Hercules, I cleaned out the Augean stables known as my Facebook profile.  Over time, much muck, crap and dead weight has accumulated and, in ‘sucking out the poison,’ I finally eliminated many of those who were negative clouds or just dead weight in my life.  While some may be bothered or hurt by my stable cleansing, it’s a necessary step in finding a better, happier existence for me.

It’s a gradual process, but I need to consciously recognize that being a good friend doesn’t mean letting someone drain the life out of me.  I will be there for you, but I cannot do it for you…. Or, more plainly, I will be your cheerleader, but I can’t be BOTH your cheerleader and quarterback!